The Game

When did my lines begin to show? When did the wear kick in. My skin, the smoothness, already leaving me. My face, the softness, gets harsher each morning. I see women, .... I'm beginning to look more like them. Mature, sophisticated. Slang for old, worn, well used. Trade in seems like such a practical idea. Do you want the sexy new model or the old reliable one? Even in my condition, I know what my choice would be. A close second. A good back up. A broken in version of you wish you could afford. It's not so bad now, but its getting there. Slowly inching along to something you and I both will no longer want. Dim the lights, angle this way, get my good side. Desperate attempts to disguise what is gradually becoming the truth.  A sad girl. I see a sad girl. One who is constantly watching everyone around her, hoping and molding herself into what she thinks she should be. A sad girl, never happy or content with what she has... or had. Slinking into the sidelines as she is to scared or embarrased to still stand out. How will she survive. How will she survive? She will turn to the thing that comforts and ages her the most. Quiet self destruction. Liquid determination and let down. Through those blurry eyes, her skin gets softer, the edges get smoother, the years get slightly smudged away. Viewing herself through her nightly skewed vision is what she lives off of. Living that pretend life where she is still glowing, Radiant! Oh how she once shined. These thoughts bring tears and smiles to her face. Eyes closed now, she cant even face herself. Its so much easier to fade back to those glory days. The radiant past. The times she only sparkled. The times she will cling to, pick from, and create the imagined destiny of all young girls. She can close out the roughed up exterior, the soft belly, the limp shoulders, the excess 'comfort' packing on her body.... She can shed it in this moment, when she forgets the now and makes up her own. Happily, living that life. Ever, youthful and elegant. After... after all, this is her vision.